The Battle

So I keep telling myself that everyday that goes by this will get easier. I will stop having a debate in my brain about every little piece of food that crosses my past. As I have told most of you I compare my eating habits to being on drugs....it is an addiction, one that is to easy not to face. You see I eat because it tastes good. An extra helping of mashed potatoes because I love them so much and they taste so good, except I was already full beyond my means. As I watch the cookies, candies, and various items come in and out of our office day by day, as I walk by the kitchen and think, what is one cookie going to hurt. But to me, one cookie sends me spiraling back into where I started. It has been 22 days, 22 days of starting each day trying to do all the right things. I keep battling in my brain what I know is right and what the addiction wants me to do. Sometimes it feels like 2 people living in my brain...one that knows what to do and one that wants to defy everything and eat the food because it will taste good.

My family talked to me about what it could be underlying inside me that made me eat this way since I was 17 (that is when I started to put on weight) and I don't really know. All I can say is that I like the way food tastes, and becoming lazy about eating is SO EASY! Drive thru, eating out, frozen pizzas, what could be easier. Here I am 17 years later determined to turn it around. As far back as I can remember I have eaten wrong. I grew up on TV Dinners and 2 liters of soda because my mom worked all the time, then when I was old enough to take care of myself I became a drive thru queen. I can remember before high school having a Western Bacon Cheeseburger with friends for breakfast and Big Macs as soon as we got out. I just trained myself to be a failure in this department, and now it is time for change.

These past 22 days have been the hardest days I can remember as of yet in my life. Keeping my brain on track. The Battle in my brain. The constant debate of good vs. evil, He He. I am sure to some of you reading this must be thinking, suck it up, it is just food. You are so right, and my brain tells me that to. I am right there with you. I keep hoping everyday I wake up that the debate of wanting to eat something that has made me the way I am today will stop. They day of no more battle, but will that ever happen? Am I destined to have to debate myself everyday when it comes to food.

Tonight I hit the elliptical for a 35 minute weight loss program and then 15 minutes on the treadmill. A big accomplishment for me. The challenge I have given myself this week is to work out every night no matter what.

I just wanted to say thanks to those of you who may be reading this. It helps to know that people are behind me, and I have been so lucky to have been given the best motivational gift ever.

Love you,
Nancy